Laker For Life

For those who said Kobe was going to the Bulls,
I won't name names cause you look like fools,
Cause Chicago's hanging out right around last place,
While the Lakers are in the middle of the race,

I know trade requesters can't be choosers,
But why would Kobe want to play for losers,

Where there's no Pippen to his Jordan,
And there's no Jon to his Ponch,
There's no coach who worships Buddha,
There's no team quite as staunch,
He might have argued with the Lakers,
But he proved it with his wife,
He knows how to beg forgiveness,
So come on Kobe go ahead and tell the world,
That you're a Laker For Life,

Chicago's already one coach down,
And the Cubs are already the talk of the town,
While the Laker fans all now believe,
So why on earth would Kobe leave,

The East is weak but it won't be pretty,
If Kobe goes to the Windy City,

Where there's no Pippen to his Jordan,
There's no Oates to his Hall,
There's no one like Andrew Bynum,
To help Kobe out at all,
He might have argued with the Lakers,
But he proved it with his wife,
He knows how to beg forgiveness,
So come on Kobe go ahead and tell the world,
That you're a Laker For Life,
It doesn't matter if you're 8 or 24,
You're a Laker For Life ...

Can the Tuna Save the Dolphins?

He's a famous football fish captured on Miami's line,
Whose legendary status has grown over time,
Since he won the New York Giants a pair of Super Bowls,
The elusive tag of genius follows everywhere he goes,

Can the Tuna Save the Dolphins from the bottom of the sea,
They've been having trouble swimming and the NFL agrees,
That their quarterback's a Lemon and they're running short on wins,
So they're counting on the tuna to return to save the fins,

We're going to find out if this tuna swims upstream,
Cause that's what it's going to take to resurrect this team,
Their offense is anemic and their D can't stop the run,
And their running back named Ricky really might be done,

Can the Tuna Save the Dolphins from the bottom of the sea,
They've been having trouble swimming and the NFL agrees,
That their quarterback's a Lemon and they're running short on wins,
So they're counting on the tuna to return to save the fins,

He turned around the Patriots and turned around the Jets,
Give him credit for the Cowboys lest we should forget,
When he took the job in Dallas, the franchise was a wreck,
And remember he was teacher to the student Belichick,

Can the Tuna Save the Dolphins from the bottom of the sea,
They've been having trouble swimming and the NFL agrees,
That their quarterback's a Lemon and they're running short on wins,
So they're counting on the tuna to return to save the fins
Miami's counting on the tuna to return to save the fins ...

Michigan Steals Coaches From WVU

Special thanks to Genesis Studio for photography.

If Michigan's the majors, West Virginia's AAA,
Cause they get their coaches ready for them to take away,
Every time the Mountaineers find a guy they want to keep,
Here come the Wolverines to sweep him off his feet,

Since they hired Rich Rodriguez in Ann Arbor,
I don't blame the Mountaineers if they harbor,
Some serious hard feelings cause he's coach number 2,
That Michigan has stolen from WVU,

The Mountaineers could surely set some Wolverine traps,
Get their shotguns out and put on their coonskin caps,
Have a guard on watch just walking back and forth,
To protect their coaches from the invaders from the north,

Since they hired Rich Rodriguez in Ann Arbor,
I don't blame the Mountaineers if they harbor,
Some serious hard feelings cause he's coach number 2,
That Michigan has stolen from WVU,

Here's some simple sound advice for the Mountaineer A.D.,
You'd better think twice about the next coach you see,
And your fans had better learn they should never get attached,
To a coach whose first priority is nothing but the cash,

Since they hired Rich Rodriguez in Ann Arbor,
I don't blame the Mountaineers if they harbor,
Some serious hard feelings cause he's coach number 2,
That Michigan has stolen from WVU,
They've got to be offended cause they took Beilein too,
Michigan steals coaches from WVU ...

Roger "The Rocket" Clemens

You know Barry, Canseco, and John Rocker the bruiser,
Dykstra, Palmiero, and Giambi the juicer,
But who could have guessed,
The one who deceived us the best,

Roger "The Rocket" Clemens,
Had a very long career,
Thanks to a workout program,
That a Navy seal would fear,

All of the fans and players,
Used to watch him fire the ball,
Wondering how this old man,
Still could even pitch at all,

Then one cold December day,
George Mitchell came to say,
Roger now the gig is up,
I need your pee right in this cup,

Then all the fans and players,
Said together now we see,
Steroids are how "The Rocket",
Will go down in history ...

Coaches Telling Lies

Last year I called the press together due to rumors I had seen,
That said I would betray the Dolphins and go coach another team,
You should have heard the fables and the stories that I gave them,
I convinced them if I left then my name wasn't Nick Saban,

Cause I respected Wayne Huizenga and I'd never sell him out,
And who knew what all this false unfounded gossip was about,
I absolutely positively would not tell a lie,
Now all that really meant is he could kiss my ass goodbye,

When I said that I would stay I meant that I was going away,
Don't you know that's how deceitful coaches work,
When the going gets too tough then I'll say I've had enough,
I don't care if they all think that I'm a jerk,
You see I did it all for me but I claimed my family,
Was the reason I deserted all my guys,
So check your TV Guide because the Razorbacks and Tide,
Will be the battle of the Coaches Telling Lies,

Thanks for the advice Nick,
I used it down in Atlanta,

I left a note to let the Falcons know why I was gone,
And I made sure that my movers had me out of town by dawn,
I wore a pair of shades and signed my name as Rick Pitino,
But the movers still asked if I was Bobby Petrino,

I said yes but hurry up cause there will be an angry mob,
When Atlanta finds out that I have got another job,
Even though they should have seen why I decided to defect,
I've got a family to feed and a career to protect,

When I said that I would stay I meant that I was going away,
Don't you know that's how deceitful coaches work,
When the going gets too tough then I'll say I've had enough,
I don't care if they all think that I'm a jerk,
You see I did it all for me but I claimed my family,
Was the reason I deserted all my guys,
So check your TV Guide because the Razorbacks and Tide,
Will be the battle of the Coaches Telling Lies ...

The Cincinnati Fans

I've been a Bengal fan for as long as I remember,
So I'm used to the season being over in November,
I want my team to win it all sometime before I'm old,
And I still believe that one year they'll win the Super Bowl,

I was so excited back when we hired Marvin Lewis,
But he hasn't stopped the mediocre teams from running through us,
And I thought we had an offense right up there with best,
From the looks of things this year it appears that they regressed,

For Cincinnati fans it's the same old situation,
Watching optimism fading into sorrowful frustration,
The Bengals always let us down some time around the fall,
Then we turn our attention to our Reds and baseball,
But before the summer ends we're so far out of contention,
We forget about our Reds as we start again to mention,
The Bengals and the draft and our Super Bowl plans,
If anybody needs their team to win it's the Cincinnati fans,

I'm still a Reds fan cause I'm such a faithful guy,
So I'm used to their season being over by July,
I've done a little yelling and I've done a lot of bitching,
I'm a coach on my couch cause I see that we need pitching,

I was so excited back when we signed Junior Griffey,
And he might have had a chance to set the home run record if he,
Had stayed healthy long enough to play out a full season,
Can we claim a Cincinnati curse that has to be the reason,

For Cincinnati fans it's a neverending cycle,
We are searching for a savior, we are needing a revival,
So we call on Dusty Baker as the man to save our town,
Because so far Marvin Lewis has only let us down,
We spend a lot of time and we spend a lot of money,
Buying such expensive tickets that we fail to find it funny,
When we watch dejected faces exiting the stands,
If anybody needs their team to win it's the Cincinnati fans,
If anybody needs their team to win it's the Cincinnati fans ...

Hawaii's Warriors

When you think about Hawaii,
You think about vacation,
In a dream-like destination,
On an island paradise,

Then you think about the ocean,
And the Hula girls in motion,
If you ever take the notion,
It's a trip worth any price,

But there's more to Hawaii than just grass skirts and leis,
There's an undefeated football team that on the island plays,

Hawaii's Warriors, all they know is winning,
With a well deserving Heisman trophy candidate Colt Brennan,
Hawaii's Warriors have conquered every test,
And they're on their way to display the way they play in the BCS,

You can question competition,
But that's uninformed wishing,
Cause Hawaii's on a mission,
To prove the doubters wrong,

The real life situation,
Is they've won more in the nation,
In a row than who they're facing,
They will show that they belong,

So before the Georgia Bulldogs say they cut the Warriors slack,
Ask the Oklahoma Sooners what they think about the WAC,

Hawaii's Warriors, winning's all they've known,
Ever since they've been led to battle by June Jones,
Hawaii's Warriors have conquered every test,
And they're on their way to display the way they play in the BCS,
Yes they're on their way to display the way they play in the BCS ...

The Curse Of Billy Penn

Philly was winning like Boston with the 80's underway,
The Eagles were good and the Sixers were led by Malone and Doctor J,
The Phillies had won the World Series and the Flyers were number one,
And Rocky Balboa was champion still and not just a washed up bum,

Then one fateful construction decision led to a mighty fall,
When Liberty Place went up higher than a statue on City Hall,
Now who would have guessed that this progress could damage a city within,
There would be no more titles for Philly because of the curse of Billy Penn,

Thanks to the curse I don't know what's worse,
A team that never has hope,
Or a team that believes only to leave,
The Philly fans trying to cope,
Since they have suffered it's gotten much tougher,
To ever expect them to win,
It makes a fan wonder how long they'll be under,
The curse of Billy Penn,

Now no one suspected the spirit of Penn was rightfully to blame,
Two decades ago when the Flyers lost Lord Stanley's seventh game,
And no one could tell that the bat of Joe Carter contained an ancient quill,
Sealing the fate of the '93 Phillies signed by their buddy Bill,

The Philly fans thought that the Sixers had an incompetent GM,
But now we can see that the trades that they made were all forced by William Penn,
In the Super Bowl loss to New England, he conducted a clear attack,
Cause he sucked the life right out of the Eagles quarterback,

Thanks to the curse I don't know what's worse,
A team that never has hope,
Or a team that believes only to leave,
The Philly fans trying to cope,
Since they have suffered it's gotten much tougher,
To ever expect them to win,
It makes a fan wonder how long they'll be under,
The curse of Billy Penn ...