My Bullpen

I feel like I've walked into a bar,
With all the fattest girls in town,
No matter which one that I pick,
I will always be let down,
So as I walk out to the mound,
Like a wounded sitting duck,
I just look down at the ground,
As I whisper what the heck

Was with that fastball down the middle of the plate,
Did you really think your setup pitch would make him swing too late,
Now you've walked the bases loaded and it's doubtful we can win,
As I look for your replacement in My Bullpen,

I asked for veteran relief,
And got Rheal Cormier,
Who caused a heaping load of grief,
With his 9 run ERA,
Who knew Todd Coffey would show up,
Forgetting how to get an out,
If Castellini wants results,
Here's what I'll tell him it's about,

I remember when Wayne Krivsky told me sometime in the spring,
That a 40 year old Texan would be pitching for our team,
So I cleaned out the best locker so the Rocket could move in,
Instead I got Mike Stanton pitching in My Bullpen,

We make the Nationals look like,
Babe Ruth and Gehrig in their prime,
With our staff from AAA,
And aging pitchers past their time,
By the time we see results,
From last year's big blockbuster trade,
Some other coach will have the task,
Of trying to guess which one to play,

But not even Sparky Anderson could make a difference here,
He'd take one look at Majewski, then he'd run to grab a beer,
He'd tell Griffey, Dunn, and Hamilton, you'd better score me 10,
Cause I just saw all the pitchers pitching in My Bullpen ...