Stairway To Eleven

There's a coach who's defined, As the greatest of all time,
And he's building a stairway to eleven,
Up in Cleveland Shaq sings, Of a ring for the king,
But King Kobe already has four,
Ooh, ooh, and Phil's building a stairway to eleven,

Now in Boston they need, To at least sign Rasheed,
If they want any chance at a title,
Cause L.A. was the best, Then they added Artest,
Now they barely have even a rival,
Ooh, ooh, and Phil's building a stairway to eleven,

In Orlando, they're sure, That Vince Carter's the cure,
But a title they will not be winning,
Because Ron from the hood's, Coming to Hollywood,
They'll be only one Magic left grinning,
Ooh, can I get a witness, Ooh, can I get a witness,

As Mark Cuban makes bids, For an old aging Kidd,
All the teams in the West are left crying,
When your dealing is done, With Richard Jefferson,
Well, I think you had better keep trying,
Ooh, can I get a witness, Ooh, I really need a witness,

Shaquille and Lebron can do dances, Put on a real show,
But that won't make those missed free throws,
The league just saw their title chances, Go right up in smoke,
When Artest signed with the Lakers,
Can I get a witness?

And as Phil rides on down the road, Ten rings are under his control,
Zen spirit running through his soul, With a lady we all know,
Another title is the goal, For the purple and gold,
And if you know your basketball, The scene will come to you at rest,
It's Phil and Kobe and Gasol, Celebrating with Artest,

And Phil's building a stairway to eleven...

Black Guys Don't Play Hockey

Black guys don't play hockey, I know this much is true,
And white guys who play basketball are far between and few,
That is unless they're foreign or if they work real hard,
They might have a chance to be a cerebral shooting guard,

White guys can't jump or move with any quickness,
Their lack of any skills is a real genetic sickness,
White guys can't box unless their name is Rocky,
Black guys are athletic so why don't they play hockey?

White guys can play football on the offensive line,
Or they can be the quarterback, they do it all the time,
They just can't play positions where they have to run,
All the black receivers seem to have all the fun,

White guys can't jump or move with any quickness,
Their lack of any skills is a real genetic sickness,
White guys can't box unless their name is Rocky,
Black guys are athletic so why don't they play hockey?

Dominicans play baseball and lie about their age,
Russian girls play tennis, over there it's all the rage,
Asians play ping pong, they're really really good,
Black guys don't play golf unless their name is Tiger Woods,

White guys can't jump or move with any quickness,
Their lack of any skills is a real genetic sickness,
White guys can't box unless their name is Rocky,
Black guys are athletic so why don't they play hockey?

A black guy in the White House named Obama brought a change,
But here's something that I thought of that might seem kind of strange,
An All-White NBA or an All-Black NHL,
Something tells me neither of these leagues would ever sell,

White guys can't jump or move with any quickness,
Their lack of any skills is a real genetic sickness,
White guys can't box unless their name is Rocky,
Black guys are athletic so why don't they play hockey?

Black guys don't swim and don't aspire to be a jockey,
But black guys are athletic so why don't they play hockey?

Two A-Rods

Here's the story of the two A-Rods,
Also known as Alex and Andy,
One's dated Madonna and been called a fraud,
One dated a singer named Mandy,

For all of the differences that they might have,
They both have a pretty good stroke,
And when Roger or Red Sox come looking for them,
They both seem to know how to choke,

They're the two A-Rods, they're something to see,
It's the two A-Rods, caramel and ivory,
Some say they're frauds, some say they're gods,
Isn't it great that there's two A-Rods?

One plays in Brooklyn, the other in the Bronx,
And I don't mean Brooklyn the city,
One plays in Brooklyn, the other in the Bronx,
Oh my, doesn't Brooklyn look pretty?

They're a pair of the luckiest guys in the world,
Please don't say that they're a disgrace,
Don't dwell on their losses, just look at their girls,
Who cares about first place?

They're the two A-Rods, they're something to see,
It's the two A-Rods, caramel and ivory,
Some say they're frauds, some say they're gods,
Isn't it great that there's two A-Rods?
One plays in Brooklyn, the other in the Bronx,
Isn't it great that there's two A-Rods?